lying across the desert of the American Southwest. All alone on the road in my car, with my video camera and my two sleeping passengers, Helen and Cami. They had just stayed up all last night working on their final projects. They deserve this time of rest. Of course, they
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are missing this moment of solitude on the road as it stretches out endlessly toward the horizon.
At long last, the border. From this
point I can see the line where I will cross from the state of public health nazi's, the nutrition nuts and the hippies into the land of hedonism and gluttony. So close in distance, yet so far away in mindset (and legislation), it's Nevada, just down the hill. And there, right on the border in the middle of the Mojave Desert, sits Primm, the first opportunity for entertainment, excitement, and well, gambling of course. Not that gambling is really the reason I love going to Vegas. For me, it's really all about the food. I love those buffets. Everything else I do there is stuff I'm doing while I'm waiting to be able to eat again. But we cannot be distracted by this. Primm is just small potatoes. We want Vegas. We'll hit the Desperado rollercoaster on the way back or something.
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he first place we went when we finally arrived was Caesars Palace. We went into the Forum shops to kill time before we hit the buffet. The FAO Schwarz is huge, and full of cool stuff. I hooked up with my good friend Kermit the Frog. Soon after, I tried my hand at seeing if I could lay my charms on Queen Amidala with the hopes that she might want to come back to my hotel with me later, but I struck out. Meanwhile, Cami kept herself busy poking Jar-Jar Binks in the eye.
Helen found herself mesmerized by the multi-hundred dollar stuffed animals. There are a lot of cool things at this toy store, including the nerd-heaven Star Wars section, a huge Barbie section, a gigantic keyboard you can play on when you stand. There is also a huge Trojan Horse in the front of the store that you can actually get inside of. There is a periscope type thing inside which is connected to a video camera on the underside of the horse. You can use this apparatus to spy on all the folks outside of the store. How fun. And how could I forget the gigantic stack of Canned Heat cars? I had never seen so many of them together. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to find the New Beetle. But nope. All I could find were the '57
Chevy, the Audi TT, and the Dodge Ram, all the cars which everyone in the world already has. Oh well.
But hey, we got really hungry so we headed for the buffet. The Caesar's buffet is really great, it costs around $16 but it is worth every cent, since each plate you grab is as good as any you would get at a regular restaurant where you would pay $16 for a plate of food. But this is all you can eat! And their iced tea is really good. I mean, it's like... really tea with ice in it. But when we got there, the line was still really long. But we decided to stay in line anyway since we
were so hungry. So we did. And we took this green pic of us looking down on the camera.
Finally we got in. We ate, and we were very satisfied. What great prime rib. Then we went back to our hotel room. Helen and Cami were really sleepy from not sleeping at all the night before. So I dropped them off there after a little detour to buy myself a toothbrush, and to buy Cami some contact lens solution and also so we could pick up a bottle of water and some beer for the full-sized fridge that our room had. So I dropped them off. But I wasn't sleepy yet. After all, it was only about 10 or 11 or something, and my regular sleep schedule dictates that I sleep around 3 or 4am. So I took off. I went first to the Hilton and then to the Sahara to play a little blackjack. I lost money then won it back then lost it again. That's the way it goes. Good thing I don't go there expecting to win or else I'd probably feel really miserable. I came back and watched TV until 5am when I finally went to sleep.
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round noon or so, we finally all woke up. We were all nice and rested. And I was just fine because I was following my regular sleep schedule anyway. We headed to the Sahara for a cheap brunch buffet. I figured "brunch" is "breakfast" and "lunch" put together so I
figured, why not have breakfast and lunch? Then I thought, why stop there? I might as well have dinner too. So first I had a plate with biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage. Next I had a plate with some salad, some spaghetti, and a piece of
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garlic bread. Next came some roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy and some steamed vegitables. And you can't have dinner without dessert, so I had a bowl of frozen yogurt and strawberry topping. Not too shabby for the first meal of the day. Cami and Helen didn't gorge themselves like I did though. But I'm an eating machine.
The Sahara SpeedWorld area got converted into what looks like NASCARland now. I guess the casino finally figured out who their target market really was. Lots of NASCAR stuff was everywhere. Various cars and displays, including racing suits and stuff. I convinced Cami to do a little import car show model pose over one of the cars. Didn't really take very much convincing though. After that, we pretty much just wandered our way down the strip. The plan was to park somewhere centrally located, like the Mirage. Walk south to New York New York, cross the street to the MGM Grand, then hit the World of Coke Museum for a little refreshing break with all-
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you-can-drink samples of different Coca-Cola products from all around the world. So we did
the big tourist thing and walked all the way through all the hotels and stuff, maybe dropping some change into the nickle slots along the way. The Bellagio hotel is really nice. Very classy. And they have this one room with all of these flowers and trees in it. I mean, flowers packed wall to wall. It smelled SOOOO good in there.
We were met with quite a surprise, however, when we reached the World of Coke Museum. We were hot and thirsty and looking forward to it. When we saw this sign. It appears that the World of Coke Museum had closed permanently, just a couple of weeks ago. How depressing. This was one of the coolest things on the Strip and now it's gone. Oh well. So we went to nearby Fatburger to quench our thirsts with their selection of 8 different Coca-Cola products. But it just wasn't the same. Now that we were all bummed out, we decided to just go back and get the car and head over to the Hilton to check out the Star Trek Experience. On the way to the car we checked out the new Paris Hotel. I guess it was pretty cool. But I guess I'm not so impressed with this making it look like another place thing in Vegas since, well, it's already been done hehe.
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What a fun little attraction that is. Totally awesome, even if you are only slightly interested in Star Trek, especially The Next Generation series. And still pretty cool even if you aren't a fan. After the ride, we stopped by Quark's Bar and ordered stranged colored drinks and the onion rings. I had to have the onion rings, they are the best onion rings I've ever had in the whole world. Cami and I had Liquid Latinum, the drink. Midori, pineapple juice and Red Bull energy drink. Nothing like mixing a bunch of alcohol and caffeine together to keep you going all night in Vegas hahaha. Helen had something else with Hansen's energy drink in it.
After that we headed downtown to Freemont Street. Did a little "rap video" shooting with Rapper Cami and Rapper Helen. Got the fisheye lens out with all of the lights flashing and stuff. How fun. If you squint, they almost look like Mase and Puffy.
After shooting our rap videos, we headed into the Golden Nugget for some hardcore gambling. I played a lot of blackjack. I lost big, won it all back, and lost again. Then won it back. Then lost most of it again. I probably could have won most of it back if I kept playing but it was late so I just gave up. Meanwhile, Helen was getting addicted to playing roulette. She found something she really likes. At the roulette table, Cami was betting like $1 or whatever, and some guy kept putting his $400 in the same spot that Cami would put her money. She won a lot of money for that guy but she stopped playing because she couldn't handle the pressure or something.
Then, we got back to our rooms. Watched the Conan O'Brien rerun, then went to sleep. Or at least, I went to sleep. The girls were up doing something or other. Writing. Or talking. Doing girly things. I don't know. I just wanted to sleep.
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he following morning, we had to check out. After we got that all taken care of, we ate some food... at Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell. Then we checked out the new Venitian hotel. I was thoroughly underwhelmed. While the exterior looks very impressive (especially at night), the interior revealed something of an identity crisis. This hotel doesn't know what it wants to be. It tries to look all classy and stuff, but then they play top 40 music in the casino and invite Andrew Dice Clay to perform there. On top of that they had a big ripoff of the sky-ceiling thing at the Caesar's forum shops, only the Venitian's was cheaper and not nearly as good. Not to mention all the fascades looked like really cheap fake fascades. These things belonged more in Disneyland than they did in such an expensive hotel. Everything was fake inside. I mean, the Bellagio has real marble and wood all over the place. The Venitian has fake marble and stone all over the place. And it looks fake, which is the worst part of it all.
Then we got out of Vegas and headed to nearby Henderson to go to Ocean Spray's "Cranberry World". We got to learn all about cranberrys, and see them bottling Ocean Spray products in the plant. Then the best part was we got to have free samples of different Cran-drinks, and some food with their other cranberry products. The Cran-Currant drink was the best if you ask me. I tried looking for some at Vons when I got back home to San Diego but struck out.
After that little detour, we headed back home, stopping by at the state line to ride the super-tall, super-steep Desperado rollercoaster. I took my last chance at gambling and won $16 in a quarter-slot machine. Way to end on a good note. Then we came home. Tired, broke, yet satisfied and content.