Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

Let's say I have a friend, John. Let's say I have another friend, Jane. And let's say I have a third friend, Jenny. John and Jane have had a weird relationship. They've been sorta together, and yet sorta not, for like the last 3 years or so. They are both really good friends of mine. Suddenly, unbeknownst to Jane, John develops a little thing for Jenny. Nothing too crazy happened, and definitely nothing that would have fallen under Bill Clinton's definition of "sexual relations". And the only people who know about it are John, myself, and Jenny.
Now, by this time, I had already expressed my disapproval for what he was doing. It just didn't seem worth it to me. His only excuse (and a pathetic one at that) was "well, I'm a guy, what was I supposed to do?"... and I told him... you could have been a man. His response to that was "well, men have needs too," and it was obvious to me that he was not getting the point at all. He insisted that he really liked hanging out with Jenny... but he didn't seem to understand that something like this has the potential to screw things up with Jane... forever. I was very frustrated because he was so just being a guy. You know, like they say, God designed men with two heads, but only gave them enough blood for one... when one turns on, the other one just shuts off.
Meanwhile, Jane is sensing that John is distancing himself from her, which seems very strange, because for the last couple of years, he pretty much just devoted his life to her. Now suddenly, he doesn't return phone calls, and he flakes out on her a lot, and at the same time, he seems to be hanging out with Jenny a lot. Now, Jane doesn't think anything is really going on, because Jenny is also her friend as well, and it would be out of character for either of them to do this, especially knowing about the existance of the relationship between Jane and John.
But, those suspicions arise. But Jane doesn't want to believe them. And when Jane confronts John about them, he denies everything. There is no reason for Jane to believe otherwise, as up to this point, John has been completely trustworthy.
This is where the dilemma appears for me. I am good friends with John, and have more or less promised to not say anything about what is going on... but I only agreed to it because I figured it would be an isolated incident, and not something that would continue on... but it did. On the other hand, I am also good friends with Jane... and I know that something horribly wrong is being done to her.
I was talking to Jane and well, I gotta say, it tore me apart to hear about the pain and confusion she was experiencing. She didn't know why John would suddenly act this way. And yet, there was no way she could believe that anything could be going on with John and Jenny because as far as she knew, he would never do anything like that, and there was no reason to believe that he would.
And I'm sitting here listening to her telling me this, but I know that there is something going on between John and Jenny. So what am I supposed to do? Obviously, Jane, a very good friend of mine, deserves to know about what is going on... and certainly does not deserve to be treated like this, left hanging, not knowing what is going on, and basically, being lied to about what is going on. On the other hand, I am also very good friends with John, who put his trust in me.
So I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore. I told her. I knew how she felt. A few years back, I had a girl cheat on me, and then get mad at me for suspecting it. Getting mad at me for not trusting her... when really, in the end, I had good reason not to trust her. I knew the pain. And I knew the sort of pain that you get when you find out after months of convincing yourself that nothing is going on and everything is OK. I couldn't let her experience that.
So she confronted him with her newfound information. She asked him again, straight out, if anything was going on. He still denied it. Then she told him that I told her what was really going on. And she basically told him to get lost.
She calls me, tells me about what happens. Meanwhile, he's trying to call me at the same time. After I get off the phone with her, I check the message, and he actually tried to tell me that he was joking when he told me about what happened. I couldn't believe it. He was doing everything he could to make himself feel like nothing was his fault. First he passes it off on him being a "guy" and not being able to control himself. Then he tries to pass it off by saying that he was just joking. That was a straight out insult to my intelligence. Maybe he could successfully manipulate Jane, but you know, she had a strong desire to believe that he was telling the truth. I did not.
So I called him back. Before he had a chance to even say anything, I told him firmly that he shouldn't even try to convince me that he was just joking. He went into waaaaaaay too much detail, for way too long for him to be joking. And if he really was joking, then it doesn't matter because it would be so effed up for him to even be joking about something like that. That even if he was joking and it was all a lie, it still doesn't make him look any better. That all of his attempts to pass off the blame to other things, or explain things, although it may make him feel better about the mistakes he's made, it doesn't make himself look any better to anybody.
But I also wanted to make it clear that it wasn't really anything between me and him. I wasn't trying to get him in trouble or anything, and that I am still his friend... that I have no bad blood for him, only that I'm disappointed in him. I thought, maybe he learned his lesson or something.
But I don't know. In the end, it seems that he feels his biggest mistake was telling me. He thinks that if he didn't tell me, it wouldn't have gotten out. No, his biggest mistake was getting involved with Jenny in the first place, and not stopping it after the first sign of trouble. Because if it wasn't for that, there wouldn't have been anything for him to tell me, and subsequently, nothing for me to tell Jane. In the end, he still doesn't see anything wrong with what he has done, and he still has failed to do the one thing that would turn him from being just a bastard "guy" and really being a man about things -- and that's taking responsibility for what he did. He is foolish to think that no one would have ever found out about it if he hadn't told me. You can only go so long with seeing someone every weekend before people start to suspect things. Jane on the other hand, is just happy that there was some closure for her. That she finally found out exactly what was going on. She didn't have to live in the uncertainty anymore. She didn't have to wonder about what was going on anymore, and she's glad about that... and I know I did the right thing... and yet, I cannot help but feel bad for breaking another friend's trust at the same time. I really don't know how to feel about it all. It's just been a very sticky situation.
I just hope that one day, John will actually realize the true wrong he did. I think at this point, he still feels bad not because of what he did, but because he didn't get away with it.

... and now back to our regularly scheduled update

Yesterday, Cami made dinner. She made spaghetti with buffalo meat sauce. I had never eaten buffalo before. Weird. But it was very good, and I liked it. But for the price, I think I'd rather have beef or pork in my meat sauce. Also, yesterday we saw Charlie's Angels. It was a fun movie. And damn. Drew Barrymore. Yeeha. Some guys don't like her. I don't know. All I know is I really want to kill Tom Green. She is my destiny. Or something.
So today, in a chat room on AsianAvenue.com, (I'm too lazy to give you a link), I almost started a war by saying "School's for fools"... which is something that I half-jokingly say to everyone who went to school and graduated and is having a hard time. Of course, I recognize the value of school, and of having a college degree. It's just that a lot of people seem to believe that having a college degree is like an automatic key to success. That if you have you degree, you will find success, and that if you don't, it will be almost impossible to find it.
I don't have a degree. I've all but given up on school. Yet, I have a decent job, I make decent money, and I have great career potential, and I'm doing something that I really like doing. This one girl was convinced that without a college degree, I'll never be at the "top"... that I'll always be working for someone else who has a college degree. As far as I know, Bill Gates does not have a college degree. And I don't care what you say about the President, because I think Bill Gates is the most powerful man in the world.
Now obviously, for certain professions, if you want to practice that profession, you must go to school. If your passion is being a doctor, you must go to school to achieve that goal. For those people, school is not for fools. But people who are only in college to get a degree so they can get more money in some generic sense... those people are fools. I mean, one guy in the chat room said something like "school isn't useless, it's good for getting into a higher tax bracket."
People like that are fools. They aren't getting anything out of school, except for that piece of paper. Another girl was trying to tell me that it's impossible to get your foot in the door without a degree. That you can't get experience to get a good job without a degree. Maybe I'm just lucky, I don't know. But I have a job. A good one, doing what I want to be doing. She's still in college. She hasn't tried out the job market. She probably has no skills. She probably thinks that her degree will get her whatever job she wants.
It's sounds kind of mean, and I think I've mentioned this before, but you know what? I want to own my own company just so I can interview people and say "yeah, your education is great, but I'm sorry, you just don't have enough experience for this job." I want to ask job applicants why they chose whatever major they chose. If they say "because I heard it was a good field to make money in"... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! no job for you man. Because seriously, I don't like people who really have no idea what they want to be doing, and are in school for no other reason than the fact that a) it's what you're "supposed" to do, and b) because they think they will make more money because of it.
Because those are the people who end up doing something their whole lives that they really don't want to do, trying to work their way up to the top of the corporate ladder. And then one day, when they are like 40 years old, they look back at their lives and realize that they have been trapped doing something their whole lives that they didn't really want to be doing, all because they thought they'd make more money that way. They're going to wish they went to film school, or studied oceanography or something else besides what they studied... they are going to wish that they did what they really wanted to do. Do I sound like a bitter old man? Heh, maybe I am.
All I know is that all my life, I've just been doing what I wanted to do. Fuck what anyone else thinks. I think some time around when I was 12 years old, my dad gave up on trying to make me get good grades. Grades have never motivated me. I mean, I just can't feel great about some stupid letter that really doesn't have much to do with how much I really know. I mean, some time in college, I was a writing major. I was even a good enough writer for one of my professors to photocopy one of my assignments and hand it out to the whole class as an example of good writing. I got a D in that class. And I didn't care. I didn't get anything out of that class whatsoever. I learned absolutely nothing. It was worthless.
When I was in jr. high school, I was obsessed with R/C cars. My dad hated it cuz I was obsessed with it. And yet, all the stuff I did with that stuff has given me pretty good mechanical knowledge. It also taught me a lot of problem solving skills, because when things break, sometimes you just gotta make do with what you have and come up with a solution. When I was in high school, my dad hated the fact that I was obsessed with computers. That I was doing that 24 hours a day. And yet in the end, I became some sort of "authority" in the automotive field, as a direct result of things I learned during the course of my obsession with computers.
Things I learned in school haven't been nearly as useful to me, or has opened as many doors for me as the things I learned and the skills I picked up screwing around when I should have been studying hard. I'm quite happy with the decisions I've made, and I am certainly happier now, working, than I ever was in school. Anyway. One day, I will get my degree. Not cuz I need it, but because it's the only thing my parents really want from me.
I've been lucky to have parents that have been very supportive of the things that I want to do. They have definitely not been "typical" Korean parents. They don't care if I am a doctor or make lots of money or whatever. They just want me to be happy. But they still want me to have a degree, just to have it. And one day, I will have it, just for them. Not for whatever employer, not for making more money, or anything like that. Just for them. And my grandmother, who says she will throw a big party for my graduation... and that it doesn't have to be any time soon, but that it's just gotta happen. And man, does my grandmother throw some mean parties!!
Ok. That's enough drinking for one night. Oh yeah, I almost forgot... don't make Cami angry or frustrated because she is a mean boxer. Just check out this pic!! She was very frustrated about something or other. She told me at dinner that she just wanted to beat someone up that wouldn't fight back. Even the cute little kid that was just hanging out at Fuddruckers. I told her that I would roll up my futon and she could beat that up. So she did. BTW, you can even click on the pic and see a bigger one. Just look at how mean and determined she looks... and how her hair is flying around. Yeah.

Monday, 6 November 2000 12:45am (tuesday morning)

F

irst of all, about last night's update -- on the off chance that someone out there suspected it, the story about John, Jane and Jenny have nothing to do with anyone that lives in my apartment... with the exception of myself, of course. Secondly, I'd also like to point out that, I think in general, when men cheat, they are doing it because they are just dumb. Girls plan shit out. They choose just which guy they are going to cheat with based on what will do the most damage. Guys rarely have any ulterior motives deeper than the fact that they are just plain old horny bastards that will take a piece of ass just about any time someone wants to offer it. And of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but I think in general, that's how it is. Guys are dogs, yes, and guys are dumb. But girls are straight out evil.
Today, just before I started playing the guitar and singing to Cami and Mary, I was reminiscing about being a child. You know, living the care free life. Don't have to worry about paying the bills, or taxes. No worries about who is cheating on who, who is doing what... because it didn't matter. When I was a kid, all I did was ride my bike all day, with nowhere in particular to go, nowhere to be, and not a care in the world. Pretending to be sick so I could stay home and watch The Price Is Right and Press Your Luck. I had a box full of legos. One of the most beautiful sounds of my childhood was the shimmering sound of flipping that box over and having a shower of thousands of lego pieces piling up on the carpet. Aaaah yes. And in my sister's room was this big toy chest with a hinged lid. I used to climb in there and pretend I was Oscar the Grouch for my sister who would be outside. Aaaah yes. To be a kid again.
Speaking of the past and growing up, I noticed that Cyn mentioned that she was from Cerritos. That she knew the streets like the back of her hand. I used to hang out in Cerritos a lot. I went to high school in Cerritos. In fact, page 2 of the Adventures of Rice-Boy and His Dog Mugen, a cartoon I drew back in high school, shows the main character turning onto Shoemaker Ave... the scan of the drawing is too small to see this, but it is there. In fact, the entire thing is set in Cerritos, although I didn't explicitly say so anywhere on my site.
Three years ago, I never would have guessed that in the year 2000, Bryan Hong would be designing web pages... in Spanish. But I am. The current project I am working on at work is for a Puerto Rican portal site. It's kinda fun and cool, and yet tedious at the same time.

Wednesday, 8 November 2000 11:00am

D

espite the fact that I do not care at all who wins this election, I gotta say, that this has gotta be one of the most exciting elections in my lifetime. I was up until 2am watching coverage of the election, with all that crazy stuff going on. But then around 2, I changed channel and I ended up staying up until 3am watching Vegas Vacation, which in my opinion, is one of the truest accounts of what Vegas is really like. In the sense that Vegas today really isn't full of mob men and glamourous ladies like some movies might have you believe. Nope, it's really full of wide-eyed tourists from the midwest :) And plus, I wish I could be "Mr. Papagiorgio", that would be nice.
The really dumb thing about elections though... well if you look at the message board on the riceboypage, there are some guys on there that were like "oh no! Bush got elected! Our country is going down the tube! Everythign is ruined! I'm gonig to move to Canada!!" and then there were other people that were like "YEAH! IN YOUR FACE GORE!! ALL YOU LIBERAL HIPPIES SUCK!!!" (by the way, I an writing this still before the final results have come in).
Anyways, my point is that in all likelihood, the quality of my life will not change by much no matter who is elected. Maybe one guy will lower taxes... so what? The next guy that gets elected will probably have to raise them. Then when people get sick of high taxes again, another guy will lower them. The net result will be zero. If taxes get lowered, I'll save what, a couple hundred bucks? That's not enough to turn me into a Mr. Papagiorgio. It would buy me a couple hundred megs of ram or something. But all in all, my life will be the same. A tax break like that would definitely help someone who is making minimum wage and trying to raise a family... but our country is not going to go down the tubes... no matter which President we have, or what he does. And even if our taxes got raised, they would still be lower than say... Canada... so why would you want to move there just because the president you wanted didn't get elected? Besides, it snows there.
Even if your President has an affair with an intern. It was interesting, how when that whole scandal broke out, people talked about how our president was the laughing stock of international politics. Yesterday, a British newspaper published a picture of Clinton on their cover with the caption "We miss you already"... and another British paper pleaded the American public not to vote for Bush (which I'm sure was highly effective due to the number of Americans that read British newspapers hehehe). Anyway... I think that despite embarrassing political scandals, Clinton is still viewed on the whole as not a bad president, by people in other countries. By the way, my point here is not to rate Clinton as a president, but just to say that it really doesn't matter what the guy is doing in the White House, everything still stays mostly the same.
By the way, someone wrote me in as their vote for Sherriff of Washington County, Wisconsin. It's kind of weird, being an Internet celebrity of sorts. I didn't ask anyone to vote for me for any office, and yet, people whom I've never met have voted for me. But after I found out about that guy, I launched my presidential campaign.
But I didn't get any electoral votes. Maybe I should have started my campaign sooner... like, not 30 minutes before the polls closed in California. But oh well.
But if next time, you want to vote for me, and you want to know what my views are... overall I am a moderate. I like the death penalty, I don't really like abortion much, and I don't like gun control (and I don't even own any guns). On the other hand, I like "big government"... healthcare, more programs for the less fortunate and stuff like that. I think I'd try to support programs like the National Endowments of the Arts more... I'd like our nation to be full of well-rounded people. I think the super-duper rich people (like billionaires) should get taxed a lot more, but still less than other countries (like England). That way they won't be taxed so much that they'll want to move somewhere else, like how all those famous rock stars and stuff move away from England cuz all the money they make gets sapped away by the government. I think it's important that rich and famous people be happy with living in America. I think it helps make other regular people be happy with living in America too. I mean, if you were a regular guy and all the successful people you knew just wanted to leave your country, would you want to live there?
What else is there? I don't know. Oh yeah, but I'd be a laid back and natural kind of political figure. I'd want to just be a regular guy. Yeah that's right, I got bad grades. I'm not going to hide that :)

Friday, 10 November 2000 4:00am

10 Things Bryan Has Learned Through Making Some Big, Dumb Mistakes

12:00am (saturday morning)

C

oughing. No congestion whatsoever, but lots of coughing. That's what I've got. It's totally unrelated to what Cami's got cuz she's blowing gigantic chunks of green snot out. I feel not too crappy, but my head is kind of foggy... and the coughing sucks. This morning I woke up around 7am, coughing like mad. I thought I was gonna die. I fell back asleep and didn't wake up for a few hours, so I came in for only a half day of work. The coughing is much better than it was this morning but it still hasn't stopped yet.
Weird weather. There was a tornado in Poway today. No one got hurt, but there was some damage, like a big tree flew into some guy's pool. It rains. It's sunny. It's cloudy. The weather changed like 10 times today. Just now it started pouring for about 3 minutes and then stopped.

Saturday, 11 November 2000 1:30am (sunday morning)

C

ami has suggested that if I lose my job (as is prone to happen in the volatile world of Internet companies), and she doesn't have a real job yet, we should move to Newport Beach or Santa Monica or some hip place like that. I always knew that though I love San Diego, that I'd probably end up back in L.A. somewhere. Maybe it is time that my love affair with San Diego ends? Maybe not? Who knows? Maybe this company I work for will take off and I'll be a millionaire and I'll be able to live wherever I want. Hmmm.
It's getting pretty chilly now. It's like... Christmas time weather. Woohoo. I bought a Sega Dreamcast today. And the game Jet Grind Radio. It's very... Japanese. Yeah. I drove around a lot, with nowhere in particular to go today. The weird, wacky weather we've been having sure makes some pretty clouds. It's usually pretty cloudless, here in beautiful San Diego.
Last night around 1am I went out to the cliffs near UCSD to play my guitar and be by myself and junk. When I got there it was so windy, that I thought about turning back. But I didn't. I played a little while, but I had to stop. It was so windy that I was getting sand in my teeth. That's not very fun. So I went down to UCSD. I played my guitar in Revelle Plaza. Again, to be by myself, but if some cute girl decides to walk by and talk to me, that's all good too. No cute chicks though. Some guy came out and talked to me. He was an annoying college kid. Not a hot chick. Oh well.