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These Kinds Of Opportunities Do Not Happen On Accident
So, there's a guy I work with, and we'll call him "g". g is 28 or so years old, and is the other graphic/web/multimedia designer in our company. On Halloween, g went to this party and met this girl, who we will call "t" (although, her name actually starts with an "M", "T" is what the name of who she was dressed up at halloween). Anyway, so he meets t at this party and they seem to hit it off.
The thing is, g wants to impress t so much that it ends up getting in his way. He overthinks things, and tries to plan everything out. There's like no spontanaity involved. He wants everything to be perfect all the time, which in real life, just isn't possible.
Like today, for instance. t works just down the street from our office. She also lives like down the street from g. Anyway, today, t decides she wants to stop by after work. After hearing this, g immediately runs down to his car and sprays on some cologne. WTF? You've been at work all day, and so has she. It's okay to be a little scraggly. Anyway, it's like after 6pm. It's dinner time. She wants him to leave work, and there is no reason for him not to, as we really didn't have a whole lot to do, and there was nothing keeping either of us at work.
But for whatever reason, he didn't want to leave. Well I left, so that I could go home and eat some food all by my lonesome self. Anyway, I get home and a few minutes later, I see g pop up on my buddy list. I message him, saying "you better not still be at work". Well he wasn't. As it turns out, it was actually his roommate, who informed me that g was at home, and talking to t. So I asked him, was he talking to her in person, or on the phone.
He was talking to her on the phone. WTF? (I already said that once in this story, but WTF?) They were just together a few minutes before. It was dinner time. Why weren't they eating dinner together? I mean, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. She just wants to spend time with him. I bet they could have gone to Taco Bell and she would have been happy with that.
g tells me that she mentioned that she was hungry. But he didn't ask her out to eat until after she mentioned that. Um. Dude. Her saying "I'm hungry" is like her saying "what's the matter with you? Aren't you going to ask me to dinner?" Well, he did ask her to dinner. But he was gonna take her to some fancy sushi place or, alternatively, Benihana. But whatever happened after that, I don't know. All I know is he went to Costco and she did not have dinner with him.
And that's what I mean by him overthinking things. He is constantly devising these plans of action for how he is going to woo her. He wants everything to be perfect. Taco Bell doesn't seem like the ideal place to take a date, but in circumstances, it's perfect. Like if you are both looking and feeling skraggly from being at work all day and you sort of just have a little impromptu dinner, like a "so, you wanna get something to eat?". And you can't really plan for these kinds of things, you just do them. You can't make plans for everything.
And I mentioned this to g a couple of weeks ago, but these kinds of opportunities do not happen on accident. Why? Because, as I mentioned on a previous update (although the subject was cheating on sig. others), girls plan shit out. Every one of these opportunities was previously devised by her, and these opportunities arise due to some effort on her part. And every time you overlook one, miss one, or don't take advantage of one, she will get discouraged and wonder why you are not showing interest... even if you really are interested. The thing is, a girl will only try so many times to set up these opportunities, and if they keep getting passed over, they will just get discouraged, and stop trying. And why shouldn't they? As far as they can tell, you're not interested enough to do anything about it.
And anyway, I know you are reading this, g, because I know you read my update. You are way past the stage of trying to impress her. The only time when the guy really needs to plan things out to try to impress a girl is in the beginning stages on the way to securing that first date. After that, if the girl is interested in you, they will plan everything out so that these little opportunities will surface. Of course, I'm not saying that you should just turn into a complete slob, and just be totally inconsiderate, or just stop trying to contact her. But what I am saying is that you're way past the stage where you need to make every little thing you do just be totally spectacular to get her attention. You've already gotten her attention. You hang out. You talk all the time. She calls you. If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't still be around, and these opportunities wouldn't keep popping up.
The bottom line is, stop thinking so much! When these opportunities pop up, take them, because they will not keep coming forever. You can't plan for everything. You can't plan for her randomly just wanting to drop by after work. All she wants to do is spend time with you and get to know you better. You don't have to try to make everything pristine and perfect. It's not going to hurt you if it isn't. But what will hurt you is not taking an opportunity because you haven't planned for it yet, or it's not going to be absolutely perfect. Especially since these opportunities are strategically planned by her. You don't need to try so hard to impress her anymore. Just go with the flow. If she's randomly coming over, randomly accept her, you don't have to run out and put on cologne. Just be yourself. Because right now she wants to know what the real you is like...
... and now back to our regularly scheduled update
Thanksgiving was pretty cool. The food was good. Really, really good. The turkey was better than usual, and usual is pretty damned good. But I will tell you what sucks.
Did you ever go to a party just knowing that it was going to suck? Like someone invited you, but you already knew it was gonna suck? But you let a person just convince you to go anyway? That's what one of Kenny's friends did to us.
I was like "are there gonna be girls there?" And he was like "yeah, there's gonna be tons of girls there!". But somehow I really didn't believe him. I knew it was gonna be like 5 guys to every girl. And I was being the optomist here for once. Kenny was predicting more like 8 guys to every girl. And I thought, well at least there'll be drinks there, right? I mean, what party doesn't have drinks?
So we show up, and there is like, no one there, except for the people we were just hanging out with. The only girls there was the one we brought with us, and the one throwing the party. Carloads of guys start arriving. No girls. And there are no drinks. Not even soda. Finally some girls arrive, but they are like 15 years old and there's only 3 of them. A couple more girls arrive and they look like they are probably more like 14. And all of the other girls that showed up came with their boyfriends.
And I think Kenny was right, it was probably closer to 8 to 1 than 5 to 1, if you counted underaged-looking girls. Oh well. So we left. And that was it. But overall, for the long weekend, I planned to do a whole lot of nothing, and that's exactly what I did. And it was very relaxing, and I liked it.
Tuesday, 27 November 2000
1:35am (thursday morning)
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Someone finally wrote an e-mail to me from twentysix.net -- I get tons of email a day from riceboypage.com, with people I don't know, who don't know me, or have no idea who I am, writing to me. It's so impersonal. Mail coming from this site is so much nicer to get. Like, knowing that people are interested in who I am and what I do and whatever else. Cami get's all kinds of email from her site. I don't. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads it. But people do, I guess.